Trying to get back on track

Gonna start this blog to post my poker adventures, and also to keep track of what i've done so far. I'm down $19000SGD and $4865USD now, i have a long way to go. As of now, my backer has given me a last chance so i will be playing NL200 on a small site. I will be tracking my wins/losses and also posting hands to improve my play. I gotta pull myself together for my girlfriend, poker is the only thing i know how to do, i have dedicated so much time to it. 3 years and still like this, seriously wtf. I duno why my people have so little respect for me, maybe its the things i do.. i duno man, maybe im juz too young to be involved in all this bloodshed. I put in so many hours every week when i book out only to end up losing more and more money, its absurd. Why didnt i juz continue school and now be a naive army boy who enjoys going out, clubbing, playing computer games when i book out? Why must i be this fucking tard who spends 30 hours a week playing poker? Book out on friday night and book in on sunday night, thats only like ~50hours. I think i am up there already, but my backer dosen't feel that way. I know my results are bad.. It has always been like this, even in school. Im good but i juz cant produce results.. this is a major life leak, will think about it this week.

On a brighter note, the BKK girl who's in love with me will be coming to singapore this weekend so i'll probably get an open goal =D but i got guard duty this week, fucked up.

On the other hand, this sat/sun is my gf's birthday, feel bad i can't be with her but given my current condition, i should be more worried about myself. Fuck im not even ready to have a gf. Oh well, i guess this bad part of my life will be over soon..