Back from taiwan!

Taiwan was great in a way.. Manage to hustle some money from my noob camp mates in dai dee haha, covered my expenses in a way. Got myself this pair of ownage shoes which costs like 2000NT. The exercise was enriching as i learnt many new things about trunk comms. Talked alot to my PC during this taiwan trip and kinda had things sorted out and highly motivated to come back to singapore and cary out the plan, ALAS things did not turn out so well but okay, i accept what i have for now. After playing abit of hold em, i feel that im not as motivated to play as i used to.. I gave myself a new target to hit, but my backer seems to want me to take things slow, maybe abit too slow but oh well, guess i have to take whatever i have for now.. I sincerely hope he reconsiders and accede to my 1kusd/month request, but i guess i have to perform first. In short, i have a plan all worked out, now juz for the grind.. but the site kinda sucks cuz not much traffic.. dun feel like blogging much now, maybe later.

downward spiral

Booked out this week, totally no mood to play at all... i dunno why. I think im really burned out. Won $400 but ended up down like 1k in later on. Im really feeling fucking sad right now. Im so confused... Now i have 2 girlfriends, oil is like on the rocks with me, we have been through so much.. i was looking at my camera yesterday night and i was juz overwhelmed with emotions.. On the other hand, ploy is showering me with the much needed love i lack. Both are not in singapore.. ARGHH i duno, i juz dun feel like doing anything nowadays, and spending time in army is soo comforting, its my escape from the harsh world. Im really starting to worry about my future. What will it be like? No qualifications, no skills now. Everyone thinks im damn rich blah blah blah... but recently i really sold everything, i got nothing to my name anymore. This is so crazy, i regret getting involved with poker now, but i got no choice, its my only road, my only way out. I used to think im xxx good and so on but now i realise there is so many better players out there and im just so average.

I really hope this trip to taiwan can help me straighten my thoughts out. Im in so much shit now i dunno what to fucking do. I mean even if the money problem is solved, im still feeling so bad, i dunno what i want anymore. I always ask who can help me, but i always never bother to think what i can do to help myself.. thats a bad life leak i mean arghh i am really so sick of myself. Coming to this world is such a torture.

I just wanna be with my loved ones and spend time with them and like juz take everything slower and easier.. But hold on, why are they even interested in me, im like in a slump, im not even like hot or anything what do they see in me? FML

Movie but..

Fuck it man i was juz thinking of enjoying a meal @ pasta mania den go watch movie at tamp mall.. den i realized im fucking alone i got no one to go with. On the other hand i can always go alone, not likes its the first time den it strucked in my face; i have a fucking gf but she's always not there for me. I mean i'm also not there for her BUT IM IN THE ARMY damn it. I feel that she's like yah she likes me but she won't die for me kinda thing. I mean seriously WHY CANT SHE MOVE TO SG. She can't work here, MAKE A WAY LA CB. I mean i also spent so much time in BKK at the start also what. haix this is not working out at all. First i monkey tilt, now im indulging in self-pity. This is going sososososo wrong. fuck man. I need counselling

MONKEY TILTED!

And so i was running like damn bad losing ~800 in 100 hands, really damn bad. Tilted and took it to 5/10 and lost it all. Seriously this is damn bad man. 12kUSD in makeup, and 20k in debts is no longer a joking matter. This is so fucking sick man. Im damn angry that i went to monkey tilt the money, and the amount is getting really big. 12kusd oh my fucking god man. Imagine someone giving me this amount in cash to play. wtf? I should start appreciating the people who are good to me who are around me.. Maybe now i understand why my backer gets so pissed sometimes. If i were him, i probably would be damn fucking angry i mean wtf 12k now is getting insane.

Anyway, still gonna fly to taiwan on friday, hope this trip does me good. I haven't even packed yet. I keep complaining i have nothing to do.. but i never ever do things that i NEED to do.. maybe that is why there's so many things at the back of my head which is what kills. I mean i watched quite a few videos where the instructors play live, i mean i make exactly the same decisions they make juz that my bet sizing is probably different. Thats the only problem now. I really move to exploit people when i play now, i feel playing 2-4 tables is so much +EV for me as compared to me 9+ tabling. I really exploit max. I shouldn't be trying to do what OTHER people are doing, ie. 16 tabling, etc. I should be focusing on my strengths, 2-4 tabling, definately at a lower win-rate but HEY thats is what i am capable at the moment of, WINNING. IF only i had stuck to the initial plan from the start, there would be no problem. Ahhh not everyone in this world is given chances, i still have a little chance here, i should definately make this good.

I feel blogging is so much better, i really feel much more calm as compared to last time, not so rash, not so angry. haha, its juz wierd! I feel 1 big problem is i really get affected by all these bad beats sometimes especially when i make a good play.

villian is seemingly tight, juz sat down not much info but he has folded quite abit.
6-max blinds are 1/2
hero is in btn and is dealt 88

utg calls $2
co folds
hero raise $8
sb folds
bb(villian) raise $24
utg folds
hero calls $16

Pot: ~$51
Flop: 6 7 9 rainbow
Villian bet $27
Hero call $27

Turn: 2, Pot: ~$100
Villian checks with $142 behind
Hero bets $38
Villian raise $142
Hero fistpump snap CALLLLLLLL

Villian shows AQo and the river, sure enough Q

I didnt raise the flop because i would be raising, getting it in against him if he had better, and he could almost not have worse then me there unless its a bluff which would not call the raise. So i elected a call in this spot, bringing it to the turn to re-evaluate, theres so many possibilities. Turn was a total blank, i felt he is never checking his over pairs here on such a scary board and the bet-sizing also leans towards me believing his range includes random semi-bluffs and total air after he checked the turn, so i fucking hell bet so fuicking small to induce a shove from him with whatever bullshit he has cuz i felt he never ever has a set in this spot, he's not that good to put me on a hand, know what i will do on the turn etc. So i induced a shove and WHAT? he hit his 12%. This is crap man wtf. If only i was not so good, ie i bet bigger, i would have taken it down. If i was worse, i check and juz call his river bet or maybe even fold IDK. but at most im calling his river bet and i will save quite abit. BUT WTF NO!!!!!! HE must, whatever. Den i got set over set in a really awkward spot. oh well

I think capability wise, IM DEFINATELY over qualified for the job, but still i can work at this limit, at this site but i need to train my mental power. I gotta start having more discipline. This is so important to any poker player. Hope i can hit the nl400 tables when im back from taiwan to salvage whatever i can!

Thats all for now... GOOD LUCK

Juz to add

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_24rckdBPI

This thai song is by prik thai who is famous for the song rak sam sao.

After watching this video, it really make me very sad, tam phom ru suek sia jai mak.

I mean i think about the times i cheated on my gf, and how she would feel if she knew about it.. Our relationship is really on the rocks and we even nearly broke up last week, i told myself if she wanted a breakup then thats it. Its time to focus on my life now, since its in wreaks. She ended up pleading with me not to go, she really said somethings that make me feel wierd, made me cried. Really dunno where all this is going..

OH YAH! Juz got my PSP GO! from junjie for FUCKING $50SGD HOW COOL IS THAT! So happy, so rip off! wakakakka

Have a good weekend guys

Running good

Last week i made ~ 1.5k at the 1/2 tables, ran pretty good and definately happy with my play. I think losing 7k the previous week was a good wake up call for me. I mean although i was playing much much higher, i did not really feel any stress, and i was juz counting everything in bb. But i definately ran bad and could have played better. Anyway, this week on monday i was up another 1.5kusd ish, went to camp feeling like a champ. Camp was okay juz very basic stuff. Booked out, dropped that 1.5k almost immeditely at 1/2, and my backer berated me again. I was so fucking sick of all this and i kinda told him how i felt. Since then he has been nicer to me. He even agreed to lend me the money i wanted to borrow and i am really very grateful for that. It changed my opinion of him ALOT. I guess that leads to this weeks overall score to be up 1850 ish.

Also, i will be flying off to taiwan for till the end of the month on friday, really feel that i will do much better if i could stay in sg.

Mentality wise, i feel that poker is really like a job to me now, i feel like a pro player! Im more of telling myself, look you have to play now, dun waste time. And i dun really like YES I GET TO PLAY POKER. Its just so different. Putting in effort to watch cardrunners and 2+2 ing alot, basically doing what i can do to improve. I feel i've never had a chance to really play full-time without any distractions. Although still in for alot of makeup, im sure it will end soon the rate im going. Im a steamroller baby!

Oh yah, watched ironman 2 yesterday with junjie, pretty good. Cleared part of the debt those people were hounding me, hopefully i can end this week on a good note!

Cliffnotes:
+1.480 last week
+1850 this week (for now)
flying to taiwan till the end of the month on friday
settled some debts
backer aceeded to my request