downward spiral

Booked out this week, totally no mood to play at all... i dunno why. I think im really burned out. Won $400 but ended up down like 1k in later on. Im really feeling fucking sad right now. Im so confused... Now i have 2 girlfriends, oil is like on the rocks with me, we have been through so much.. i was looking at my camera yesterday night and i was juz overwhelmed with emotions.. On the other hand, ploy is showering me with the much needed love i lack. Both are not in singapore.. ARGHH i duno, i juz dun feel like doing anything nowadays, and spending time in army is soo comforting, its my escape from the harsh world. Im really starting to worry about my future. What will it be like? No qualifications, no skills now. Everyone thinks im damn rich blah blah blah... but recently i really sold everything, i got nothing to my name anymore. This is so crazy, i regret getting involved with poker now, but i got no choice, its my only road, my only way out. I used to think im xxx good and so on but now i realise there is so many better players out there and im just so average.

I really hope this trip to taiwan can help me straighten my thoughts out. Im in so much shit now i dunno what to fucking do. I mean even if the money problem is solved, im still feeling so bad, i dunno what i want anymore. I always ask who can help me, but i always never bother to think what i can do to help myself.. thats a bad life leak i mean arghh i am really so sick of myself. Coming to this world is such a torture.

I just wanna be with my loved ones and spend time with them and like juz take everything slower and easier.. But hold on, why are they even interested in me, im like in a slump, im not even like hot or anything what do they see in me? FML